| Short list of things I'm noticably terrible at.... |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|09:32 pm] |
In no particular order or preference:
- Exuding a happy or positive demeanor.
- Ending a joke at an appropriate time.
- Professionalism.
- Hearing and speaking at random times.
- Routine exercise.
- Meeting deadlines.
- Expressing myself.
- Reading anything over 10 pages long.
- Writing anything over 3 pages long.
- Organizing anything personal.
- Fashion tastes.
- Ping-Pong.
- Baseball.
- Tasting.
- Self-Control.
- Food pairings.
- Personal hygeine.
- Making valid points seriously.
- Holding back.
- Uno.
- Guitar Hero.
- Guitar.
- Singing.
- Mumbling.
- Finding clues or hints.
- Football picks.
- Football.
- Anything involving extensive running.
- Song Selection.
- Finding anything worth buying in antique or thrift stores.
Things I'm good at...
- Wit.
- Talking about money.
- Talkin' shit.
- Naming professional wrestlers.
- Identifying moments in pop-culture history.
- Making fun of my brother.
- Being vulgar.
- Petting dogs.
- Listening to music that everyone forgets or never hears about.
- Moving large or heavy objects.
- Detail cleaning.
- Being bestowed nicknames.
- Driving.
- Waking up early.
- Writing compliments/criticism.
- Video games prior to the year 2000.
- Being creepy.
- Testing the limits of appropriateness.
- T-shirt making.
- Popcorn making.
- Sarcasm...and endless chasm of sarcasm.
- Finding expensive things that I want.
- Retirement contributions.
- Head shaving.
...and that's about it for now. |
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| grilled cheese sandwiches and life or death emails |
[Apr. 15th, 2009|07:01 am] |
So, I'm eating a grilled cheese sandwich, which is excellent by the way and also looking over an incomplete email that I'm sending to an old friend that can possibly make major changes in his life. The word count is up to 1300 and increasing. He's not addicted to drugs, unless you count "morbidly obese women" as a drug and for the moment, he's not depressed or suicidal or anything like that. I feel like I'm giving him the air raid siren before he goes and marries deadweight and finds himself in indentured servitude with the likes of Visa and Wells Fargo saddled along with other burdens in his life. "Why do you think you are Tony Robbins?" you ask? Well, obviously, I'm no pillar or rock of strength for many things but I feel like this kind hearted guy would do the same for me and at the same time, I feel like everyone else ignores it, especially his own family. He's stubborn, outspoken, and 110% genuine. He's the only person I know who speaks what he feels ALL THE TIME. Granted, he isn't the most perceptive person in the world, but I jokingly say about him that about 1 out of 16 things he says is pure genius because he's got the heart and balls to say it. It's a trait that I admire and also realize it's a trait that can be trouble and cause people to just give up on him.
I know I haven't been the greatest friend and I know he and I struggle to stay in touch as often as we have in the past, but yeah, I feel pretty much obligated by the powers that be and inspired by this bastard's outspoken nature to say something about what I felt and saw when I met up with him last weekend. Wish me luck. Hopefully, the final word count doesn't reach into the 5000s. |
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| Spring, where are you? |
[Apr. 14th, 2009|07:01 am] |
April showers like a mofo. All the dogwoods and Cherry blossoms in bloom, but it's cold still. Where's a drought when you need it? My blood pressure is as "high as giraffe pussy" as one of my favorite comedians of the moment would say. My mother says it is borderline. I'm thinking with all this work, it makes my blood pressure shoot up. Yesterday I had a day off, although I did go to an interview, my blood pressure was down about 5-10 points and this morning it's under 130. I need walk and jog and get something done about this. Cut out a lot of salt too. Just too many delicious things with salt in it though. Hopefully a less stressful job eventually but right now, I'm still working like I'm trying to get a whole extended family from Africa into the United States. This week is busy at my full time job and at my part time job. I'll survive and at least it isn't 13 days straight like my last stretch, but it still isn't the best situation to be in but I really have no choice in the matter. Both my jobs need me to work, one for an anniversary celebration and another because of another celebration.....well, in Atlantic City, but I'll be working at the plant while everyone is there and I'll be getting a 400 dollar gift card for it.
Sinbad the comedian is performing in Atlantic City for all my Frito Lay folks. I just think that's hilarious in the fact that Sinbad has been plastered over the news for not paying millions in taxes. If I were to go there, I think I'd heckle the shit out of him if he sucked. He's a good comedian, don't get me wrong but it'd be too sweet to pass up saying, "Hey Sinbad! Is the first leg of your IRS tour!?" |
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| My brother is sick and tired of the living room..... |
[Apr. 10th, 2009|09:07 pm] |
My brother just got off the phone with me demanding the dimensions of our dark brown Ikea couch. He's at Target and all of a sudden he wants to buy a slip cover. He says he wants to "Jazz it up a bit" and that he's tired of that "Ugly brown couch." So he says it's ugly and goes as far as saying, "It doesn't make me want to sit in the living room!" to which I reply, "YOU FUCKING SIT IN THE LIVING ROOM ALL DAY!" And this is very true, he comes home from work and does one of three things and usually all 3 together: Play XBOX, surf the internet, and listen to radio. Apparently, he has been overcome with a sickness that has been caused by our dark brown-ness of our couch and it has paralyzed him to that very living room leaving him only limited motion in his hands to play video games and type. Oh the inhumanity! This is coming from the guy who has a full length poster of "1999: The Bronx Warriors" hanging in the said living room.
Maybe I shouldn't be too hard on him, but seriously, I find it funny he's got a wild hair up his ass to buy a slip cover. Gay impulse much? Now the living room will probably look like that of an Italian Pornographer's with an extensive geek-centric DVD collection. |
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| Why I want a dog |
[Apr. 9th, 2009|08:59 pm] |
I've never owned a pet in my life. I wasn't allowed to. My parents were concerned with carpets and being burdened with taking care of a dog. I don't blame them necessarily, because they are both still workaholics. I've always had the fascination with the notion that something was "Man's best friend" and i've always wanted a dog pretty much after seeing the movie "Milo & Otis."
I've loved pretty much every dog that I've encountered randomly and also with friends. I can run around with dogs all day and play with dogs and love doing so. For instance, my friend Everett has a big malamute that I love. She's a huge fur ball of awesome and loves when I come over and to be honest, I probably interact more with the dog then my friend Everett, namely because he talks very little. I was Cesar Milan seriously and watch other dog shows and dog shows themselves. My girlfriend is a dog lover and love her dogs when I get to see them. I'm actually painting a portrait of her dogs currently. I would invest so much time and money in getting a dog.
Alas though, I work 6 days a week. I live with my brother who perhaps is against living with a dog as he wasn't as affected as I was after seeing "Milo & Otis." I'm afraid that just simply I couldn't invest the time needed in appropriately raising up a dog. Which I guess is a good thing and shows that I really care enough to know that I need more time to correctly care for an animal. But unfortunately, it doesn't stop me from wanting to get one and looking at the shelter adoptions and going "Man! I need to change my life around!" just so in some way I could be in a position to care for a dog. I mean come on:
http://www.harfordshelter.org/cgi-bin/animals.pl?view_records=1&db=animals&uid=default&Type=Dog&Adopted=No&nh=19&mh=1
Doesn't he just scream, "I'm awesome. You're awesome. You and me, we're gonna do it up big! Adopt me human!" |
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| Some mind frustrations |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|09:29 pm] |
- Work: I'm sure a lot of other people deal with a lot more 'fuckery' at their work, but there's enough at my job to make me spend an hour and a half looking for jobs tonight alone. The type of 'fuckery' i've been experiencing revolves around how I am trying to be proactive about particular things at work that aren't necessarily my duties, but nonetheless directly affect my own job duties, so much so that if this stuff is not done it makes my job twice as hard. I know not to overstep boundaries, but if the simple act of stacking material in a neat and organized way that has been in my way and spread all over the floor for over a week is detrimental to my manager's 'job' then he must not realize what I do at my place of business or care. He tried to say he was busy today and that we did a lot of business, but most of it from 2 large cabinet orders which don't take long at all and putting about 1/10th of the pile of crap I was organizing out onto the sales floor. His issue was inventory control for this material my issue was it's in my way, so tell me where to put it so I can do my job and then it escalated to some choice words from my co-worker who was subsequently sent home early for leaving me a man down for the rest of the afternoon. His beef was mine and if we try to do something as simple as organizing things and he's telling us to stop but at the same time doesn't have an answer for us to where to put all this shit in my way or an answer specifically on why we should stop then he's just simply rope-a-dopin' me for shit he should have got done long before it became an issue and a massive pile of shit in my way affecting my duties. The plan they eventually came up with at the end of the day was basically the same thing they've told me over other things I have done proactively in the past....Don't touch this stuff until we figure out how to deal with it and then we'll tell you where to move it. Apparently I'm a zombie to them with ideas that make no sense to them that does a job that is essentially of less value to their "work."
- Credit Card Rates: I'm no stranger to debt and this has been a long time coming. I got my APR reduced from 13.99% to 9.99%. I want it lower and I know I can get it lower. I'm thinking of a balance transfer. I got about 4Gs in credit card debt that I want to knock out essentially by the end of the year. How I'm gonna do that? It'll be very tough considering my salary at my two jobs. I'm trying to aggressively save with stocks but I'll have to re-organize my savings focus to just pay off debt as well and re-organize my retirement accounts, sell some high dollar things I have, save for a new/used vehicle, and re-invest as much as I can in a non-investment 60 month Roth IRA that matures this September. I also am trying to invest some time in having a life too on an extra tight budget.....although I threw dollars into MegaMillions.....isn't exactly fun or life-thrilling and I worry that I think about this shit too much my brain will explode. One thing I've learned, having cheap skate friends and a limited social life is a benefit for me right now.
- Shooting People: Could this shit stop already? I don't get this whole Obama/Guns paranoia and all these stupid murder/suicides. Recession makes people crazy as hardships happen but being the gun nut "within" before Americans go crazy is something our society should seriously re-evaluate and how fucking stupid it is to embrace guns the way we do. I wholeheartedly endorse Chris Rock's idea, keep guns legal, charge $10Gs a bullet.
- Weather: All right, enough with the cock-teasing Mother Earth, make it Spring! How are you gonna let all the dogwoods and cherry blossoms blossom and then dip into freezing temperatures again?!? You 86'ed my sweet basil and I'm wondering if my other herbs will survive through this week. I think there's been two good days so far in spring and then about 5 days of what looked like another nice day but then immediately changed by some 20 degree temperature drop, wild wind, or thunder or rain storms. I saw flurries this Tuesday alone. Flurries!
- High Blood Pressure: Probably everything above is a contributor to this, but what pisses me off, my brother's BP is normal and healthy and he's heavier then I am and probably has gained 30lbs in the span of 3 months! Granted, he'll probably have Type II diabetes within 10 years and will never beat me in a foot race, no matter how many snacks they put on the other side of the finish line, but now I got to cut out salt and get out and just run or walk or jog and I want the weather to be something other then shit to do so in. It's hard to get motivated, but I do look at my brother and think, "That could be me." And that's probably fucked up but I don't want to look like a character from the "Far Side" no matter how perfect my blood pressure would be. |
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| Self-Made Survey For Myself.......sad, yes I know |
[Apr. 7th, 2009|08:33 pm] |
First 10 things I would do if I won the lottery tonight (In Chronological Order):
- Shit my pants.
- Throw away my pants and clean myself up.
- Call my girlfriend, tell her to retire and that I'm stopping by ASAP.
- Call my parents, tell them their house is paid for and plan for a vacation.
- Wake up my brother let him know that I'd be taking an extended vacation.
- Call my job, leave a voicemail, I won't be in tomorrow or the day after or the day after that.
- Head up to claim my prize.
- Find a financial planner.
- Get my plane ticket with no luggage to Toronto.
- Kiss my girlfriend and ask her if she would like to do some traveling with me. |
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| Just my Bennett Luck |
[Apr. 6th, 2009|09:08 am] |
My family is victim to an odd coincidence, but alas it happens so much, it is a phenomenon in my book. It seems that any grandiose plan, vacation, day off, or anything highly anticipated that involves any inkling of leisure, inclement weather always meets us, either as a family, or as individuals....like me, today, on my first and only day off after 13 days of work only to be greeted by thunderstorms outside.
From this day forward, I am going to start loving the rain. I'm not going to wear a tall metal and conducting helmet to commemorate this moment in a thunderstorm, but I'm gonna still enjoy the day regardless. Maybe the attitude was the coincidence. I grew up mainly in Texas and when there wasn't tornado warnings, I actually quite enjoyed watching lightning from the back porch with my dad and brother and counting the seconds from the flash until we heard the loud booms of thunder to measure distances.
It was a beautiful day yesterday and would love more of those days, preferably on my days off, but it's not a requirement mother Earth, just a suggestion. Thank you for not killing me with fell trees, tornados, and hurricanes mama Earth and for the record, I thought those days were awesome as well aside from the general fear. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2009|09:11 pm] |
I work for a very well-known, worldwide non-profit organization and have pretty much happily for over a year now. The pay is too low, the cause is saint-worthy, and I'm not even a religious person. Now, on a personal level, I have a tendency to be humourous, sarcastic, and often deeply cynical. Some might label my humour as "black" if one of my colleagues would describe it. I take everything with a grain of salt which at times make me look like an asshole and at other times makes me look like one abrasive son of a bitch, but I always try to stay what I would like to call "light-hearted offensive" without pushing boundaries of others. I like to bust balls and make light of things even that probably don't ever require and would probably often only call for serious and stern attention and focus which often makes me look like a fool. All this aside, working in a non-profit has tested my own limits in humour and boundaries of others a lot more then for-profit or other professions I've kept. Many I work with I like to consider "heroes" or ones that would be knights and crusaders in times past. Oblivious to humour and seeing a particular mission as tantamount and ultimately righteous causes, I see heroes expose themselves to extreme heartache and displeasure within non-profit causes. I think the idea of being heroes or heroines have enticed all (including me) to non-profit professions. Some of us remain oblivious to what seem like ultimate goals of righteousness and proper humanity that no man or woman can hope to attain in one lifetime, but most fall. Sobering in reality and feeling heartache and disappointment after what are hefty defeats and immovable obstacles, most non-profit employees develop a thick skin to cope with the pain of a cause that will for all intensive purposes, have no forseeable end.
"Non-profit cynicism" is a unique phenomenon that I have discovered within the non-profit world, within the organization that employs me and through the various non-profits I have had the opportunity to work beside or partnership with. Often you may hear of the other side of cynicism of the public on their views of non-profits. The question of "What really do they actually do?" and "Where does my money and donations go?" is what many think of as being "non-profit cynicism." The mega-church with the pastor driving a Cadillac comes to mind as an often recurring cynical thought when thinking of non-profit causes. Its often a well-needed criticism of many organizations and a valid fear for the potential supporters of charitable causes but the kind of criticism I'm talking about deals within the organizations themselves. The thick skin of cynicism is often the coping mechanism of "crusaders" of the non-profit world.
Generally, non-profits are in many ways, odd and ironic organizations of humanity. Non-profits have everything to do with money in supporting their various causes despite having a "non-profit" connotation. It's not necessarily a bad statement if you think that it has to do with basic survival and preservation, but you quickly realize that money always comes first before any charitable work can be done. Social consciousness is not necessarily a self-sustainable resource that can be bought and traded. There's millions of causes out there and only a couple I can ultimately choose to care about enough to make any sort of impact. So funding and fundraising is a cornerstone to all non-profits. You have grant writers, people in donor relations, people who exclusively use "Raiser's Edge" software, you have directors that specifically headhunt for "big money" and you have countless dinners, silent auctions, and chintzy merchandising in all non-profits. To sell yourself and your cause, you practically "brand" your cause. For instance, look at breast cancer, one of many forms of cancer and a very noble cause. Susan G. Komen's foundation pretty much has every right to the use of the color pink exclusively on this globe and practically sells as much or even more yogurt then ground-breaking research. In no modest way it has instrumentally and perhaps unknowingly changed the social reasoning from "I want to help find a cure for breast cancer" to "I eat yogurt for breast cancer" or better yet, "I put this bumper sticker on my car for breast cancer" in the minds of our society. I cannot knock the hustle of highly successful campaigns like the "pink ribbon" but in every non-profit workers mind, their comes a time where to gain ground, you must lower the common denominator of your cause. It becomes apparent and the proverbial meat of your cause lessens and/or dwindles well-informed awareness.
All non-profits must endure heartache. No cause is ever finished and with the helping of disadvantaged, you are destined to see failure of the most intense and human kind. There's simply no way around it, especially when you pour your heart into something especially with direct support of things involving human lives in such a direct way (building homes, rehabilitation, disabilities, disease, etc.) All non-profit work is really a test of compassion. Certainly it isn't appealing for the money because 99% of non-profits don't have any to give to you. You will always be undervalued monetarily for the sake of the cause and overvalued in karma for your dedication to the cause by the organization and others alike. Its often thankless and you ironically also take it very personally when something fails and shun the glories of personal credit when its due to you. Something about non-profit work that makes it hard to possess an ownership or personal pride beyond general and hard to measure values.
Being in a non-profit is a funny thing and something I'll always keep in my mind long after I leave this "cause" regardless where I end up. I'm largely grateful that I haven't seen a a lot of heartache within where I work, but I am also glad I have developed a skin to cover myself from the barbs of non-profits. |
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| New Years far forward.... |
[Dec. 26th, 2008|09:02 am] |
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I gotta keep this short because I gotta get to work, but I've been thinking about my life a lot lately and it seems like I've made the largest New Year's Resolutions list for myself ever. It's insane. I'll get into detail later. |
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| I don't post enough.... |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|09:52 pm] |
I am exercising my writing because my girlfriend and other things. I feel like writing again in a sense and I just want to exercise my mind.
First thing, Barack Obama. He's a mutt, but as tradition goes, if you're 2% black, you're pretty much black. I've heard the gamut of opinion on feelings of the new president-elect ranging from: GET YOUR GUNS! HE'S GONNA GIVE BLACK PEOPLE EVERYTHING! to RACISM IS OFFICIALLY OVER! None of which is true. It is a happy month because of the outcome of elections in a lot of ways. Thank god we don't have someone like John McCain in office at such a crucial time in American history for one. Secondly, it's good to see that at least the majority of Americans saw through the allegations of Barack Obama being a muslim terrorist loving person. Sadly, it wasn't a big majority and I'm sure a good chunk of that majority's decision came from the fact they hate women in power, especially dumb women in power like Sarah Palin or would wince and still vote for a black person just because "Dubya" has been so terrible. The less Sarah Palin we get exposed to in our lives, the better the world gets, her and Ann Coulter included. Barack Obama has definitely a tough job ahead of him: Saving 8 years of face to the world, dealing with two wars, the largest economic downturn in decades, a huge national debt that of course no one in America wants to pay another cent in taxes to pay but ironically support war and the trillions of dollars of money that go into it....the list goes on. I hope his youth keeps him energized and busy, because all this shit he has in front of him is going to advance his age 10 years.
Second Thing, Prop 8 and the measures passed in McCain's Arizona and Florida. Why and who the fuck really gives a shit in the sanctity of marriage enough to bring government into it? Where's the separation of Church and State when you need it for "christ's" sake? Okay, fine, gays can't marry in your chapel, church, mosque, or temple but why the fuck can't they get a marriage license, file a joint tax return, or take the benefits of straight people when it comes to things as property and deaths and custodies and etc? Why can't they go to divorce court like half of all marriages in the United States and litigate for what's what in their homes and their bank accounts? When did marriage get holy again? Have Elvis impersonators stopped marrying people in Las Vegas or something? How can America love Ellen dance and then on the other hand tell her she can't marry her love of her life? Really? Call it civil union if you have to, but give them benefits enjoyed by all, be it under the eyes of god or the eyes of love. When the hell did it become your business if two men or two women are fucking and living together with wedding rings on?
Third Thing, a lighter note, WHY HOLOGRAMS?!?!? CNN had the bright idea of projecting holograms during election coverage? Why? What a waste of computing power and cameras! I played Sega's "Time Traveler" video game when I was a kid and I died like everyone else playing that game trying to do that first jump in the game and I wasn't fucking impressed in the least. People are still watching election coverage on 2D televisions! If you wanted correspondents and guests to look like Obi-Won-Kenobi, you could of just did that shit on the cheap, certainly cheaper then 36 cameras and 36 projectors and probably 30 computers rendering images in real time and get the same effect. Unless you beam those fucking holograms into living rooms across the world, I cease to be impressed at all about this hologram shit. |
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| Things in my everyday life.... |
[May. 23rd, 2008|06:27 am] |
Bedroom
-Ikea down comforter
-Dell Desktop and a dual monitor setup
-Mini-Fridge
-DJ setup with drum machine
-Nintendo DS
Bathroom
-Crest Pro-Health Toothpaste
-Lush body bath products (Olive Branch and Tramp)
-Mach 3 razors
-Prada Colonge
-Q-tips
Car
-Sirius Satellite Radio
-Rx Sunglasses
-Duct Tape
-Various water bottles at various levels of drunken-ness
-Dashboard figurine of an Orangutan and a Saint Bernard embracing
Kitchen
-Veggie Burgers
-A hard loaf of bread
-A moldy loaf of bread
-A fresh loaf of bread
-Overripe banana
At Work
-Red Wing Steel Toed Boots
-Ratchet Straps
-Mapquest directions
-Box Truck
-Classic Rock Radio Station
At my other job
-Ping-pong balls
-Nitrile gloves
-Lint Rollers
-Hairnets
-Free Sunchips, Munchies, and various pretzels
On Me
-Camo Nylon Velcro Wallet
-Work Phone
-Blackberry
-Over a dozen keys
-Versace Eyeglasses
In my brain
-A girl named Cindy
-My next vacation
-Something witty
-Something silly
-Something to meaninglessly obsess about |
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| Great moments in email replying..... |
[May. 16th, 2008|06:18 am] |
(Omitted) wrote:
> Sounds good guys. I'll probably draw them in Flash and port them into layers in Photoshop. It'll be broken up so you can do your AfterFX. When I get time, I'll sketch them out and send them to see if you guys approve of the setups. Quick question, do you want me to show the penis or hide it in the tomato can, etc. Not sure your market.
(My Reply)
I have no issue with the drawing of the penis...well, short of you putting your own on some tracing paper. I look at it like this....This short is about trying to shrink enormous penises, so if you draw an enormous shaft and show just the tip immersed in tomato juice, I see it as like putting a pasty on a nipple and maybe a side gag of that would be that we "black bar" or blur out the testicles. |
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| Random facts about family, old friends, aquaintances, and strangers who've shared secrets with me. |
[Apr. 27th, 2008|07:05 pm] |
....and will also remain anonymous.
A.
- Eats his boogers from time to time.
- Craps with the bathroom door open from time to time.
- Talks to himself out loud constantly and has imaginary conversations.
B.
- Once threw a happy meal toy in a deep fryer at a McDonald's and told no one....with the exception of me, of course long after the fact.
- Took a shit at a public restroom, didn't flush, and left a dollar sitting on top of it.
- Was a friend with benefits with a satanist girl who had a long-standing boyfriend. For his birthday, they fucked in an open grave plot.
- Once was temporarily hospitalized in a psych ward over obsessing over a butch-looking girl in middle school.
- Has done every drug probably with the exception of PCP and heroin.
- Once tried to date a convicted sex offender.
- Did coke at a party and waited in line to get a blowjob. He was third in line and was disgusted by the fact he was third.
C.
- Once had to explain to his own father that he was worried because he could no longer ejaculate. It turns out he had a prostate problem. One of the only people I know that has medically endured a dickhole penetration.
- Was once told by his mother (with me in the room) that if he turned out to be a girl his name would have been "Maria."
- He lost his virginity at a playground.
D.
- Freaked out having sex with some girl and the condom breaking, took her to the ER for the morning-after pill and spent a lot of money in doing so. He slept with same girl in a NJ motel that charged by the hour and had vibrating beds.
- Once drank so much in Japan that he blacked out in the street, slumped over the curb, in his own puke.
- Had a cousin who got caught jerking off by his ENTIRE family during a trip to the ocean.
E.
- Smoked crack.
- Dated a judo master that physically assaulted her.
F.
- Had sex with a mother while a baby was crying nearby.
- Dated a girl who got pregnant.....not by him.
G.
- Once thought he was bisexual.
- Never has met his father.
- Did acid once and did yard work and hallucinated that he was digging his own grave.
- A stripper farted while giving him a lap dance.
H.
- Once drank so much vodka, a friend and I found him in the bathroom covered in his own shit and puke.
- Was suspended and eventually expelled from high school for repeated verbal threats to a girl who taunted him.
- His mother got breast implants.
- He participated in a MMF threesome.
- Dated a very tomboy obese woman who after dating him, became a lesbian.
- Once owned a number of man-thongs.
I.
- Has dated two women on separate occasions that both immediately or just nearly turned lesbian after dating him.
- Claims to own a business but doesn't have a business license and hasn't made a legitimate five thousand dollars or more and has been "pursuing it" for a little over 3 years.
J.
- Routinely drank bottles of Everclear or bourbon. I've personally seen him blackout and puke on himself and I threw him in a bathtub and put water on him to get him clean and keep him away and alive.
- His family knew he had some sort of mental/physical deficiency.
- He went to a strip club, got belligerent and too touchy with strippers, got forcibly thrown out by bouncers and his buddies had to find a wheelbarrow to put him in to cart him back to his dorm room.
- Got almost beaten to death on a bus trying to break up a fight. |
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| Addendum to the mistakes I've made in life... |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|11:00 pm] |
I forgot to call my girlfriend last night when I said I would. And no, it's not the first time I've done it, I'm what you'd probably consider to be an epic "Homer Simpson-esque" relational fuck up. Anyways, to make a long story short, I want to rip my heart out my chest and pull out my brains and spread them on a table and just cut out random parts....and I guess that's the simplest way to put it. To go in more detail, I've been in the most intense, most profound, and life-changing relationship in my life for the last couple of years. I've never loved anyone like her and I never will because she's the one for me. Now, with all elements of love, it is largely a leap of faith and often laced with some of the most profound tragedy and I've wrestled both quite frequently in my short life. I don't know everything and in fact, probably closer to knowing nothing, but i know enough to know that this woman inspires me and gives me faith to do and be and experience things I thought would never materialize for me. So I trust my gut with this one and my faith and my love does not waver an ounce away from her.
Despite this, I'm a sporadic moron. I'm often a folly of humankind with my lack of relationship skills and vast voids in mental behavior, the typical hodge-podge of baggage and inability to communicate these things, and convoluted bullshit that puts me in situations where I'd rather "overthink" myself into inconsistency, inaction, and inability. And as every cause needs an effect no matter how dumb the cause chooses to be, my bumbling through life affects everyone around me and especially those most close to me. Despite even this fact, my motivation to not allow the "collateral" damage of the stupid re-occurring themes or big "doozies" of stupid life choices grows only with the fury and haste of say perhaps, a group of three-toed sloths in a poker night. It's a phenomenon I cannot readily explain, nor can I explain my own eloquence in how I can symbolically and articulately describe the very negative of my life. Do I feel like shit right now? Honestly no. I'm more angry at myself then anything and feel like shit for making my girlfriend feel like crap.
I don't know how she puts up with me and I'm saying that in a dead serious way, not the "TV-Sitcom-typical-plot-movement-cheap-joke" way. She has no faults in the ways of love and loving. I honestly cannot find a soul purer then hers that has confided in me and I'll gladly take that bet to my grave. And you know, it's hard to just find someone like that for you, but somehow I got it, and she shows this impossible quality with the additional challenge of living 500+ miles away. I guess also to an extent I've reciprocated at least a percentage of that back when you deduct all the moronic things I've done. And don't get me wrong I'm dumb, but not dumb enough to do or commit to terribly moronic things. Despite all this, I don't even know what to do or where to start with myself since there's just so much things to do to make me a half-decent human being. It all makes me feel on the heavy side of disgusting. I could write a million words right now and not put a dent in my occasional disgusting, flawed being.
But I know I'm good, I try to be, and want to be and I know I'm capable of doing good things, don't misunderstand, I just hate to make a mistake that lets the person I love most down, no matter how little. It upsets me to the "Nth degree" and when I see her flawless approach to love and caring and I give her back lesser or even crap. But I guess ranting at oneself can only get you so far...I think I've exhausted my will to think anymore tonite. |
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| Baseball, bumps, and botched deliveries |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|09:17 pm] |
So I saw my first baseball game at Camden Yards last night. I've lived in the Baltimore area now for over 10 years and the O's actually won. I went with a co-worker who procured the tickets from a board member for the non-profit I work for and she brought her boyfriend and I brought my hetero-life mate Nick. It was a great park and we had great seats, but it was sad to see only 11 thousand people in attendance when it holds nearly 50000. All in all, it was good game. I realized I don't really give a shit about baseball. Nothing was really that exciting about it, but maybe because I didn't feel any camaraderie with the fellow fans. Seriously, it was the first game I went to where no one did the wave and for some reason that just seemed really sad to me. No one really super-heckled and a lot of people left after the 7th inning stretch, I think by the top of the ninth, there was more people at my middle school pep rally then the attendance at the ball park. I'm just glad I did it, now I can say I went to an O's game and get that over with in typical bullshit chit-chat conversations with resident Baltimoreans.
I think the most eventful part of the night last night was actually an observation made after the game by Nick and I noticing that my co-worker and her boyfriend had no chemistry whatsoever as a couple. Nick thought he'd be or supposedly was a woman-beater, I sort of caught that vibe too. To use a cliche baseball analogy, "it was like she was in left field" with that pick. I seriously don't think they have anything in common other then their fervor for pop country music, which both Nick and I had to sit through on the ride back to my truck....fantasic.... I guess looking back now, Nick and I were being sort of "Chatty Cathys" about all this and for all intensive purposes, I could give two shits, but I think we both found it intriguing to see such an unintentional train wreck before our eyes, but who are we to judge....oh no, wait a minute, she loves "Kid Rock" ...nevermind, we have EVERY right to judge. It's sort of weird to interact with someone like a co-worker on a daily basis that you absolutely know they are deprived in some way, in a sense that they just seem very inexperienced with basic aspects of life and even themselves. It just goes to show you the resiliency of life or perhaps our own capacity to not actively care. I'd guess people only have to be 10% of themselves to plow through their days and in a lot of cases to muster much more maybe more trouble then it's worth.
So in other news, I've developed bumps on my skin. Fantastic...I just got a buzz cut today and felt little bumps on the back of my head and then yesterday, I notice other bumps up my right wrist, I'm thinking I probably have something lovely enough to require me to take some sort of topical or oral antibiotic. I doubt if rubbed both the back of my head and my right wrist on something that would give me bumps and I'm probably thinking it's most likely stress related as it's the only thing that's been that prevalent in my two-job, long commute lifestyle I've so readily adopted. At least I have insurance now, that's a big plus so I don't have to resort to pioneer-style medicine.
I ordered sunglasses not too long ago. Fucking FedEx of course is in charge of my package, which of course I have to have a "live signature" confirmation for and cannot pick it up at the nearest FedEx terminal because they are "not equipped" for that. It's not like I'm buying Indian kidneys or a jewelry piece out of Lil Jon's personal collection, it's fucking sunglasses! FedEx should be out of business, how is it still in business? Seriously, the fucking nerve of FedEx! |
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